A Broken Frame
by BeGodlyBeLynn
Summary: When he left her on Horizon, Shepard tried to move on. When Jacob died, too, she found herself utterly alone. For the first time, Jane Shepard is swallowing her pride to salvage a love once lost, to repair the broken frame of her life.
1. Fish

A Broken Frame, Chapter 1

Commander Jane Shepard sat in her cabin, watching the fish in the tank swim about with their colorful fins rippling lazily in the faint artificial current. As she watched, a piece of synthetic coral floated to the surface, and the dye was slowly turning the water purple. Shepard made a mental note to remind Kelly about that later.

As she slowly let her mind clear, Shepard became aware of an incessant tapping noise coming from the table. She looked down and realized she was drumming on the reinforced plastic. Slowly, very deliberately, she allowed her hand to go limp. The tapping stopped.

Then Shepard got up and went over to her terminal. She had a feeling that it would be empty, but she was still holding onto that little hope that Kaidan had sent her another message. As she approached the desk, her feet crunched over broken glass.

Shepard looked down again. The little holoframe on her desk had apparently been upset in the Collector mission, and it lay in pieces on the floor. She picked it up and winced as a shard of glass sliced into her hand. Kaidan's face still flickered feebly in the display, but there was no question now that the frame was ruined. Shepard threw the pieces away and held her bloody palm under the cool water from the sink, watching numbly as blood streamed from the gash in her hand into the drain. It felt like her life, slowly oozing out of her and sinking into God-knows-where. This apathy scared Shepard a little. Why was she thinking like this? She should be jubilant that the Collectors had been crushed. There was the apprehension of what the Illusive Man would do with their base, but shouldn't she be feeling less like a zombie and more like a human being?

Jane racked her brains to think of what might help her, already knowing the answer. But somehow she couldn't grasp her fingers around it. What would be the point of going back to the Citadel on a potential wild goose chase? And why, pray, did she want to see Kaidan again when he'd made it clear that he'd moved on? That she'd moved on?

Well, she'd almost moved on.

_"Jacob!" she screamed. "Jacob!"_

_For a split second their eyes met. Shepard could still see him, scrabbling for purchase on the smooth platform. It did no good. The fact was that they were falling, and soon Shepard, Jacob, and Zaeed would be following the human-Reaper to its death._

_Shepard opened her mouth to scream as Jacob disappeared over the edge, but suddenly he was hanging from her grip on his arm. She met his eyes again. Suddenly she was back in the present. With a single effort, she pulled him up._

_A shadow appeared over the three of them. Shepard looked up to see another platform flying towards them and the world went black._

Shepard resisted the urge to cry over Jacob Taylor. He'd died a hero. He'd died quickly, painlessly—she hoped. And yet…

Shepard didn't know what she had felt, standing over the coffin of the man she'd tried to love. She didn't know if she'd felt anything. It scared her, this lack of feeling. Maybe the Collectors had taken more than her life. Maybe they'd taken her consciousness away, too.

Jacob, Jack, Samara—those were only the fighters who had met their demise on the Collector base. Thousands more had died on that piece of Reaper technology. Maybe that was part of the reason why Shepard had decided to leave it for Cerberus, so they could get proper burials. These people, whoever they once were, deserved proper sendoffs.

Jane's hand started to feel numb. Good, she thought. Just like the rest of her. But then she pulled her hand from the water and stared at herself in the mirror.

The cybernetics were gone. Doctor Chakwas' tech had made sure of that. But she still felt like her face was laced with glowing orange scars. Her short brown hair was disheveled from nights of chaotic sleep. Her blue eyes were clouded with tiredness and pain.

It was a while before Jane became aware of someone standing behind her. She turned around and found herself staring at Yeoman Chambers.

"Are you all right, Commander?" she asked. "You haven't left the cabin since we returned from the Collector base. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

It took a few seconds for Shepard to remember that Kelly also served as the Normandy's incognito shrink. She shook her head.

"No, but thanks for the offer. I just need…to think, I guess."

Kelly nodded, but Shepard knew she didn't buy the story. She turned and left the bathroom, leaving Kelly standing alone as she went down to the second deck. She needed to do something, soon, or she would go crazy.


	2. Closure

A Broken Frame, Chapter 2

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and let her eyes rove around the CIC of the Normandy. She saw Joker hunched over in the helm and considered going to talk with him, but then thought better of it. She needed somewhere to…she didn't know. Talk, maybe? Who could she talk to?

Samara had been her confidant and advisor on many things, and Jacob was one of them. But she was gone, killed by the onslaught of Collectors that had tried to follow them to the final showdown. Jack had been something of a drinking buddy. They'd spend some time in the mess, exchanging beers and jokes, until Mess Sergeant Gardner got pissed and shooed them out. She smiled involuntarily at the memories.

Before she knew it, Shepard's feet were taking her to the Armory. She knew it was empty, but she also knew that nobody would disturb her there.

She ran a hand over the tables of weapons, debating whether or not she should take one and shoot herself in the head with it. It would be easier that way. But then Shepard chided herself for those selfish thoughts. It would not do for humanity's only potential savior to go and kick the bucket when the end was so goddamn nigh.

What would Jacob say if he were here? Probably something about going on despite loss, and learning from pitfalls. It was a nice ideal, but very hard to put into practice. Staring at the terminal where Jacob had always busied himself, she slipped into a memory.

"_Commander. Can I help you with something?"_

_She smiled and leaned up against the table across from him. "Let's just talk for a bit. Unofficial…you and me."_

_Jacob relaxed slightly. "I'd like that, Shepard. It's been some rough running so far…good to put a lid on my past and focus on what's important." His face was unreadable. "Our mission. What it means…and you."_

_The corners of Shepard's lips curved up in a smile and Jacob nodded towards the window overlooking the drive core._

"_You're…hitting me in a way I wasn't expecting. I won't let old wounds get in the way of that." His warm brown eyes were focused on the blue pulse of the drive core below them._

_That surprised her a little. She never knew her father, but if she'd been in Jacob's shoes, she would have spent every second dwelling on what he'd done._

"_You're sure you're alright with the way things turned out?"_

"_Yeah, I said so." Jacob's voice bordered on suspicion and she regretted her words. "What are you getting at?"_

"_You're so hardened that you can't even acknowledge what your father did?"_

_He shook his head. "Never said it didn't affect me, I just don't carry it around. He shaped who I am, but I'm more than that." Jacob turned to her. "I want you around because…you're a soldier too. You gotta get it. All that weight…it just isn't worth carrying."_

"_You're too close to see how it affects you. I would be too."_

"_Well, maybe that's just you," he countered. "Out of all of us, you're probably the one who needs a place to vent. So let's turn this around, Shepard." He crossed his arms and looked at her expectantly. "What are you carrying? What do you need to get rid of?"_

_The man was full of surprises, she mused. But she was grateful for the offer, and she realized that there was a lot on her chest at the moment. Maybe she'd taken Jacob for face value—a terrorist with a conscience, but he cared, at least enough to hear her out._

"_Two years changes a hell of a lot, you know? I don't blame people for thinking I was dead." Painfully, her mind hovered over Kaidan, full of indignation at supposed betrayal on Horizon. "It's only been a few weeks for me."_

_He nodded like he understood. He probably did. "Rough," he said sympathetically. "Someone dies on you, and they stay dead. Like my father…you just run into people who sound like they've…changed."_

"_And I'm still the same."_

"_I feel sorry for those other people, Shepard. Know why they changed? They lost you."_

_There was silence as Shepard considered those words. They couldn't be true, could they? Either way, they helped to take a lot of weight off her shoulders. She looked up at the operative, and suddenly she felt like there was something she needed to spit out._

"_That's one way of looking at it," she allowed. "You know…I think we need each other. I know I need you."_

The conversation seemed so far away now that Jacob was dead. But thinking back, a part of Shepard reasoned that there was no point in dwelling on something that wouldn't ever come back. It was probably time to move on to bigger and better things, like saving the galaxy.

She just didn't feel like she was ready.

**Kaidan POV**

Kaidan Alenko stared depressingly at the water of the Presidium, envying the people below for their idyllic and carefree lifestyles. They had everything set out for them on a silver platter, it seemed. It didn't seem fair.

He had just returned from Horizon. Now that Cerberus (and the Collectors) had come and gone, there was no point in him staying to maintain "defense towers." Evidently, that was someone else's job now. He was relieved. At least he didn't have to keep picking up heat sinks with the Cerberus insignia on them. Those were littered all over the place from where Shepard and her team had evidently fought their way through the Collectors.

Thinking of Horizon made him think of Lilith, the kind, soft-spoken colonist who'd always given him a chance in a place where nobody trusted the Alliance. She would sometimes help him in his work, persuading Delan to help him and giving him comfort where he least expected it.

"_Lilith?"_

_She looked up from her work, brown hair falling in her face. She brushed it behind her ears and gave him a friendly smile. "Hey, what's up? It's the middle of the night, Kaidan."_

"_Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I can't sleep."_

"_Something on your mind?"_

"_I don't know…" Kaidan's brow furrowed. "It's been a long time."_

"_Want to talk about it?"_

"_No," he said firmly. Then, under her scrutinizing gaze, he admitted, "Yes."_

"_What's on your mind?" She raised her eyebrow. "Is it Commander Shepard?"_

_He was completely taken aback. "Yeah. How did you—"_

"_We don't trust the Alliance, Kaidan, but that doesn't mean we're cut off from the outside world." Lilith invited him to sit and went on. "I know you guys were squadmates, and that you took down Saren together."_

_Kaidan looked away. "It was…more than that."_

_Both eyebrows shot up. "Really? Even with the Alliance's regs on…"_

"_It happened anyway."_

"_Something is bothering you, then."_

"_There are reports—classified, but I found some anyway—that Shepard is alive."_

"_Well, who knows? They never found her body, right?"_

_He gritted his teeth. This wasn't helping. "I suppose. But now they're saying that she's affiliated with Cerberus!"_

_Shock entered Lilith's voice. "Cerberus? Like human-centric, thresher maw on Akuze Cerberus?"_

"_That's the one."_

_She whistled softly. "That's heavy stuff. But yeah, I can see why you're uncomfortable." Lilith reached over and patted his arm. "Just an FYI…if you ever need to talk about it…you know where to find me."_

_Kaidan blinked. "Okay."_

He'd left her quarters that night feeling oddly liberated. It was a strange feeling, but he had finally felt like he wasn't totally alone in the galaxy.

Now she was gone, and nothing would change that. What would the Collectors do to her? Experiment on her? Turn her into a husk and set her upon other colonies? Give that Shepard's assertion was real, the latter was probably true. He wanted to vomit. What a horrible way to die.

Why was it so hard to get over the fact that her disappearance wasn't his fault? Why was it so hard to accept that she was gone? They had been friends, but it was nothing like what Shepard had meant to him. What she still meant to him. He should be moving on, he knew. It would be better for his sanity if he just let go and moved forward.

A part of him whispered that maybe he should go and find Shepard, and put things right face-to-face instead of with a cheesy message he'd composed in the dead of night on a bottle of brandy. It would probably help them both, and exorcise some of his demons.

He just didn't feel like he was ready.

**A/N: To popular demand, I'm extending this fanfic. Chapters may be slow in coming because I'm also working on a Fallout 3 fanfic, which is available on my page, but I will try my best to get it done. Rawr. I hope this chapter satisfied your reading desires. :p **

**Read and review, please. Thank you all for encouraging me to extend the story! **


	3. Building Bridges

A Broken Frame, Chapter 3

**Chakwas POV**

Doctor Chakwas sighed and halfheartedly tapped out a few more words on Thane's medical report when she gave up and turned away from her work. In any case, what was the point? She wouldn't be able to concentrate to save her life. She was about to reach for a bottle of scotch when she heard the door slide open. Surprised, she turned around to see Commander Shepard's haggard, wretched form in the doorway.

"Commander. What can I do for you?"

"Can we talk?" she asked. Her voice sounded small, brittle. Chakwas nodded, her brain suddenly back at full capacity. She had never seen Shepard like this, and it worried her.

"Certainly, commander. Do you want to sit, or…"

Shepard immediately plopped into a chair. Chakwas leaned forward, her concerns evident in her gray eyes.

"What's wrong with me, doc?"

"I don't know." The doctor raised an eyebrow. "I'll need some information to determine that."

Shepard blinked, as if this information was new to her, and took a deep, shuddering breath. There was a moment of silence before she continued.

"I've lost people under my command before," she said. "I lost people on Earth as a kid, and I lost my entire squad on Akuze. Hell, I lost Ash on Virmire…and it sucks…gets in your head, rips it to pieces…but it's never affected me like this. Why, Doc? Why do I feel so rotten about losing Jack, and Samara, and—and—" She broke off, tears in her eyes.

"And Jacob?" Chakwas supplied gently. Shepard nodded.

"I can't stand it," Shepard admitted, her voice tightly under control. "I really can't. Jacob…I thought we might have had something. And then he had to go and—" She gulped—"and _die_ on me, and Kaidan left me on Horizon, and—and—" She shook her head, as if trying to dispel the horrible thoughts from her head.

"You miss Kaidan, don't you?"

She was silent for a long time, her blue eyes focused on something behind the doctor. "I don't know," she said, but her voice suggested otherwise.

"Do you want my advice?"

Shepard shrugged. "I guess."

"Go to the Citadel, for God's sake," Chakwas said firmly. "Get in touch with him. You'll feel better. Trust me."

Commander Shepard considered this. A mutinous look entered her eyes and she looked like she was about to refuse. But then she nodded.

"I'll think about it," she said finally. "Thanks, doc."

"Anytime, Commander," Chakwas said, but Shepard was already gone.

**Shepard POV**

_Go to the Citadel, for God's sake._

Shepard spent a long time considering this, staring at the galaxy map. Go to the Citadel. Go to the Citadel.

Find Kaidan.

The question was, _why?_

What was the point in returning to the Citadel for one man? Especially a man who now outranked her and went out for drinks with another woman? What was the point in hunting down Kaidan, which would do more harm than good?

Then she thought of what Jacob had said after Horizon, about getting closure. Could it really hurt to face Kaidan and put things right? Who knew, maybe she would feel better about it. Maybe they could come to an understanding. Maybe they could be friends again. Maybe, just maybe, gods willing, they could pick up where they had left off and live happily ever after.

Even if it all went to hell, everyone deserved a second chance.

As she plotted a course to the Citadel, Shepard wondered if that second chance was meant for Kaidan, or for herself.

In truth, Shepard had stepped out of the Normandy's airlock with no intention whatsoever of meeting Kaidan.

She had an entire list of things to do on the Citadel: restock on medi-gel, replace her dead fish, and fill Gardner's new shopping list. Thane and Tali were with her as well. Thane wanted to see his son, and Tali was tagging along for old times' sake. Much of the Normandy's crew had chosen to take shore leave, save for Legion (who didn't need "organic leisures" to operate at full capacity), Gardner, who was catching up on his sleep on the ship, and EDI, who of course couldn't leave.

Her list had been tasked to capacity in a mad effort to keep her mind off of pressing matters, namely Kaidan.

She sat now with Tali at the Dark Star, mojito in hand and an array of paraphernalia on the bar before her—new Illium Skald fish, a model of Sovereign, and a bag full of candies, to name a few. She was sneaking bites of sour goodness from said bag as she sipped her drink in silence.

Shepard could sense the young quarian's eyes trained on her, as if trying to think of something to say. Even behind the mask she could feel the burn of concern on her shoulder. She deliberately avoided Tali's eyes until the latter broke the silence.

"If you keep doing that you're going to get fat."

"What?"

Tali chuckled. "I heard those candy things are really bad for you," she said. "Keep it up and you're going to be Commander Shepard, the first fat human Spectre."

"I'm Commander Shepard," she retorted. "I don't _get_ fat. Not when I'm busy hauling ass all over the galaxy."

They both laughed at that, and a more comfortable silence ensued.

A few minutes later, someone sat down next to them and Shepard recognized the voice of Miranda.

"I'll have an elasa, please," she said in her usual, clipped voice. Then she turned her attention to her CO. "I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite store on the Citadel…' did you endorse every damn store on Zakera Ward? Sweet Jesus."

"Well, they asked and so I delivered." Shepard tilted her chair back on two legs and yawned. "And I got a discount, which I need. Cerberus didn't fund my fish."

Miranda rolled her eyes. "Touché."

"So, how was shopping?"

The Cerberus officer sighed and took a swig of her drink. "Hectic," she said finally. "The shops were crowded, and do you know how much people berate you for having a Cerberus logo on your clothes? My God."

Tali gave an amused snort. "I bet you got a lot of crap from the quarians," she suggested lightly.

"Well, there are barely any, so no."

Shepard could almost hear Tali pout and they said in unison, "Racist."

"Wha—how does that make me racist?" Miranda looked upon them with mock indignation.

Tali laughed and changed the subject. "Does anyone else have any plans for, you know, shore leave?"

"Oh, I don't know," Shepard said easily. "I might pick up a book or two…maybe some Fornax…I'm _joking_," she added at Miranda's disgusted look. She tilted back further in her chair. "Go to the Presidium and tell the Council to—oh _shit!_"

She tilted back too far and the chair toppled onto the floor with a resounding crash. Commander Jane Shepard, in all her glory, stared blankly at the ceiling, a ridiculous smile on her face.

Miranda, Tali, and Shepard burst into hysterics. Jane laughed until her ribs ached, and she felt like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders until—

"Are you okay?"

A familiar face loomed over her. Shepard knew that face. And that voice.

Her laughter died. "K-Kaidan?"

Tali and Miranda stopped laughing, too. "Kaidan?" Tali echoed with wonder in her voice.

"Son of a bitch," Shepard muttered. "It's you."

"Shepard, I…" Kaidan broke off. "I'm sorry about Horizon."

"Why don't you give me a hand first?" she suggested lightly. "This is awkward."

"Oh." He looked embarrassed. "Right…here." With a grunt, he tipped her chair back upright.

Miranda looked around, uncomfortable. "Shepard, I'm going to…ah…wash my hands." She quickly got up and strode in the opposite direction.

Tali got up, too. "I guess you two should do this alone."

Jane felt a sinking sense of dread as they left her to be potentially ripped apart by an Alliance hyena. She slumped forward and put her head in her hands.

"Don't be," she mumbled. "I can understand why you were so angry."

He sat down next to her and shook his head. "You don't get it," he said. "When someone dies on you…they stay dead."

Her head snapped up and she stared at Alenko in astonishment. Jacob had said the exact same thing.

"But I do get it," she said miserably. "I do."

"It's been two years." Kaidan pushed Miranda's drink aside. "I don't know how to start or…or what to say."

"Two years changes a hell of a lot," she agreed. "What happened while I was dead? I hear you outrank me now."

He shrugged, staring off into the distance. "We all broke apart, went our separate ways," he said, his voice distant. "Tali went back to the Fleet, Garrus went to become a Spectre, Joker, well…he went to his happy place in the corner of the bar…" Kaidan chuckled dryly. "And me, well…I guess you could say I went under."

"I got that much from your letter."

"Composed in the dead of night over a bottle of brandy," he said bitterly. "You deserve better than that."

"Are you still angry at me?"

"Not really."

Shepard pursed her lips and focused on a bottle on the shelf behind the bar. "You know, I tried to give myself a life too," she admitted. "It, ah…it didn't work out."

Kaidan nodded like he understood, and they sat together in somber silence.

"And now we're back to square one."

Jane looked into the eyes of the man who was once her lover, and something clicked in her head.

"I have to go," she said. "I need to go back to the ship."

Kaidan caught her arm. "Shepard, if…things die down a little…"

She nodded. "I know." She took her things and gave him a smile. "Don't be a stranger, now."

He returned the smile. Wordlessly, he let go and watched her leave, feeling a strange sense of peace as he did.

**A/N: And there goes chapter 3. Again, I hope that satisfied your reading desires. **

**Yay, Kaidan makes peace with estranged Shepard. (Note: Jane=Shepard.) Are they going to be friends again, or go back to sweet loving on the Normandy? I have no idea. This is proving a hard plot to follow through with. I'll try to see it to the end, though. My opinions on the crew have very much changed from when I first posted this fanfiction as a one-shot.**

**Thanks to my awesome readers, who gave me the idea to get off my procrastinating ass and add on to this story. Thanks to ITestedGarrussReach for the encouraging reviews, and thanks to BioWare for the ideas and game. (Oh, and I own none of this. Juuust so I don't end up having a lawsuit on my hands. :p) **

**It's a wrap! Chapter 4 is in the works, don't worry.**


	4. Brooding

A Broken Frame, Chapter 4

_Kaidan,_

_I think I owe you an apology_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_an explanation for the last two years_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_of I wanted to tell you on Horizon even though you wouldn't listen_

_ERASE LINE_

_of everything that's gone down in the last two years._

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_Cerberus enlisted Liara to find my body_

_ERASE LINE_

_Cerberus somehow recovered my body from the Normandy's ship wreck and they rebuilt me over the course of two years with the Lazarus Project._

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_I was woken prematurely under extreme circumstances and Lawson and Taylor took me to the Illusive Man, who_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_because the facility was under attack and they brought me to the Illusive Man. He told me about the colonies and sent me to Freedom's Progress, which you may not have heard of with your head so far up in your ass_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_which you may not have heard of because it's been kept pretty quiet. I ran into Tali and a squad she was leading to find a quarian on Pilgrimage and_

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_we teamed up to find him. He confirmed that the Collectors were abducting the colonies and they were using these seeker swarms to incapacitate the colony first, but you probably saw them on Horizon. _

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_Look, about Horizon…_

_ERASE LINE_

_I wanted to talk about Horizon._

_ERASE LINE_

_Can we just pretend Horizon never happened? _

_SAVE DRAFT AND EXIT_

With a frustrated sigh, Jane Shepard turned off her terminal and swiveled in her chair to give her hamster a morbid stare, as if asking it for advice.

_Why does this have to be so hard?_

She vaguely remembered Thane telling her that all things worth keeping are.

_This sucks._

So did everything else in life right now, it seemed.

_Dammit, I'm hungry_.

Now that was something that could be absolved. With a groan, Shepard got out of her chair and got in the elevator for the crew deck. Maybe a snack break would help clear her head.

Shepard made her way to the kitchen, dimly noticing the stillness of the ship. It was late, and most people were sleeping. As she approached, she recognized the familiar figure of Miranda hunched over a cup of tea.

She quickly popped a ham and cheese sandwich into the toaster oven, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and plopped down next to the Cerberus officer.

"Fancy you being up this late," Miranda commented.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

There was an awkward silence.

"So…it's probably not my business, but what did you say to Commander Alenko today?"

Jane shrugged. "Nothing really. We talked about what happened on Horizon, and I think we've come to an understanding. But…I don't really know what comes next."

"What do you mean?"

"It's been two years, and we've both changed, and the galaxy's at stake, and…"

"And Jacob," Miranda finished.

"Yeah."

Lawson sighed and stirred her tea. "You know, I was the one who broke it off. He wasn't happy, but the mission came first." A sad look entered her eyes. "I miss him sometimes."

"What was he like?" The words were out before she could stop them.

Miranda shrugged. "Much the same as he is—was. Not very smooth with his words, but he was straight to the point. He never sugar-coated anything." She smiled. "I appreciated that about him. It helped me become a better person, I think."

Shepard nodded mutely, wondering whether it was appropriate to have this sort of conversation with Jacob's ex-flame. But if there was anything wrong, her XO didn't show it.

"He loved you," Miranda said matter-of-factly. "It was very obvious how much he cared about you. I'm glad you two found each other."

This surprised Shepard. "You're not jealous?"

"No."

There was a pause.

"Why not?"

"Should I be?"

Jane shrugged. "Well, I'd think, given the circumstances..."

"I would too," Miranda said. "But I find it doesn't help anything. I left it in the past and we've become effective colleagues since."

"I suppose," Shepard allowed.

"Your sandwich is ready." Miranda nodded at the microwave as it emitted a shrill beeping noise. Happy for any excuse to go back to the safety of her cabin, Shepard took her food back to the elevator without a backward glance.

Shepard ate in silence. It wasn't like she had anyone to talk to anyway, but she ate in silence. She watched her fish as she considered what Miranda had said.

Goodbye was always a hard word for her. It had been the same on Earth as a kid, and on Akuze as a private. It had been the same on Eden Prime and Virmire. The same on…

She refused to go there. Not again. It was too hard. There was no point crying over a dead man, and it was equally pointless to be pining for a man who'd moved on with his life already. Maybe it would be better to leave them both in the past.

The thought shocked her. Feeling more confused than ever, Shepard crawled into bed, fully clothed, and fell asleep.

**Kaidan POV**

_Shepard,_

_I owe you a real apology. You didn't deserve what you got before Horizon, or after._

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_It was just so hard after you got spaced_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_after you died, and seeing you back was the last straw._

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_seeing you again was like a dream come true._

_SAVE PROGRESS_

_That's why I was so angry when you asked how I'd been. I felt like you should've known what I'd been through the last two years_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_I felt like you'd been alive all this time and I'd never known. I was still mad at you for sending me away on the Normandy, leaving you to die in the blast. I wanted to kill Joker for being such a_

_PARTIAL LINE ERASE_

_I still feel horrible_

_ERASE LINE_

_I don't know what to do anymore_

_DELETE DRAFT AND EXIT_

Kaidan stared at the terminal, as if hoping that it'd tell him what to do. He considered looking for a book to help him out, but how often does your significant other die only to be brought back by a terrorist organization two years later? What do you do then?

_God dammit, I'm hungry._

Hunger. Okay, that was a good start. With a groan, Kaidan got up and walked out in the direction of the Stand.

Kaidan's sandwich and coffee remained untouched before him. He stared out into nothing, brooding over his current troubles with elcor Hamlet in the background. He silently cursed himself for being such a prick on Horizon. If he'd gone with her, she never would've given anyone a second glance. It was hard to put the selfish idea out of his head, but there it was. He cursed his luck, cursed Anderson, cursed Cerberus for reopening his wounds just as they'd started to heal.

He cursed Shepard as well, for caring. Why couldn't she just walk away? It would have made it easier for them both. Instead she held on, like a leech, draining the life out of him.

But that wasn't fair—Jane had been genuinely dead. Anderson had sent him some of the files regarding the Lazarus project, and she had been reconstructed from almost nothing.

And so, with no one else to blame, Kaidan cursed himself for caring. Why couldn't he just walk away? He could go back to Dr. Fahey and apologize, admit that she was right. He could leave it all behind.

The thought shocked him, and Kaidan abruptly got to his feet and left, ignoring the chef's protests at him not paying for his food. _Screw it._

**A/N: Sorry this took longer than usual to post! This weekend has been a complete shit storm. Fun, though. I got to carry around a bloody crowbar for Halloween. :D **

**Yay for angsty goodness. I'm going to move things along a little, though…hopefully. The next few chapters assume that Shepard completed LotSB with Liara. Again, I hope this satisfied your reading desires. :p I'm going to be rather busy this week, but hopefully I can have two chapters ready by the end of this week. **

**As usual, thanks to ITestedGarrussReach for the love. Hmmm, maybe I will try some Garrus romance in my next fanfic. I've never really considered it. Heh.**

**Till next time…**


	5. Closure, II

A Broken Frame, Chapter 5

**Tali POV**

"Tali?"

The voice came out of the darkness and the young quarian jumped. She turned around and found herself face to face with Shepard. So, apparently she'd come out of her hibernation.

"Shepard! What can I do for you?"

Jane propped her elbows up on the panel next to her. Through her visor, Tali could see that she was exhausted, and understandably so. When she thought of what might have gone on at the Dark Star with Kaidan…she was glad that the commander couldn't see her grimace.

"Just checking up on my favorite quarian engineer," Shepard joked weakly, forcing a smile. "How's everything going down here?"

Tali shrugged and decided to go along with this. "No worse than ever," she said. "Although…I wish Donnelly would realize that my 'bucket' isn't soundproof. It's kind of funny, but it's also kind of…never mind."

Shepard looked over at the Irishman and chuckled. "I can only imagine what that's like."

"Something on your mind? Don't lie."

The human sighed. "You never fail to see through my façade, do you, Tali?"

"Quarians are good at body language." Tali smirked behind her mask. "Come on, Commander. I won't tell."

"I miss him," Jane said finally. She looked over at Tali. "Kaidan, I mean. It might have been two years for him, but…it's only been a few weeks for me. It's so hard to see how much we've changed."

"It's hard," Tali said. "He mourned you for a long time, Shepard. It took a lot to convince him to move on…I suppose I'd feel the same way if my father suddenly showed up in the airlock one day."

"He doesn't deserve to—I don't know—be left in the dark! He didn't deserve all that he went through in the past two years! I want to make it better. I want—" Shepard broke off. "I want him back."

"Life isn't about what you deserve. That's why you're such a good leader, Shepard. You care. You've always cared about the people you lead—in light of everything you lost, you still care. You try to get them what they deserve." Tali smiled, even though Shepard couldn't see it. "It isn't easy to salvage a relationship, and I couldn't give you any advice, but…why don't you give it a shot? Spend some time with him. What's the worst that can happen?"

Jane shook her head. "The mission always came first," she said quietly. "The Reapers are out there whether the Council wants to believe it or not, and I need to focus on what's at hand. We all do, or it's going to be the Protheans all over again."

"Maybe you're right, but how can you focus on defeating Reapers when you've got this crushing weight on your chest?" Tali reasoned. "Figure this out, Shepard. You'll feel better."

Shepard was silent for a long time. Then she nodded. "I'll consider it." To herself, "That's the second time someone's said that to me in a week."

"Did you say something?"

"What? No."

**Shepard POV**

_You'll feel better._

Would she?

Tali had been maddeningly vague when she'd advised Shepard to "figure this out." To her credit, there wouldn't be much she could say on the subject, but any sort of lead would be much appreciated.

Sitting in front of her terminal in morbid silence had just taught Shepard two things. First, the filter in her fish tank was malfunctioning and making an annoying humming noise. Second, even sitting in a leather seat too long will cause one's butt to hurt. She shifted her weight and booted up her terminal.

Jane opened up the draft of the message she'd been typing to Kaidan and decisively wrapped it up. When she'd finished typing, she gave the letter one last look before deeming it satisfactory. Taking a deep breath, she hit SEND.

As she shut down her terminal, Shepard wondered vaguely if Kaidan's mail went through any filters. _Well, crap._

**Kaidan POV**

Kaidan woke that morning to the smell of coffee and a tinny pinging noise from his terminal. Yawning, he sat up and realized he'd fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder his back hurt like hell. He rubbed his eyes and went over to the terminal to see that there was one new message. There was no sudden surge of hope. Despite their conversation, Kaidan had all but given up hope of hearing from Shepard again.

This said, he was very surprised to see that the message had come from one Lieutenant Commander Jane Shepard of the SR-2 Normandy. A feeling of dread was gathering in the pit of his stomach at what the message might say. Kaidan steeled himself and clicked on the message, feeling a little more confused-yet-liberated with every line he read.

_Kaidan,_

_I think I owe you an explanation of everything that's gone down. _

_Cerberus somehow recovered my body from the Normandy's ship wreck and they rebuilt me over the course of two years with the Lazarus Project. I was woken prematurely because the facility was under attack, and Lawson and Taylor brought me to the Illusive Man. He told me about the missing human colonies and sent me to Freedom's Progress, which you may not have heard of because it's been kept under wraps. _

_I ran into Tali and a squad she was leading to find some quarian who was on Pilgrimage there, who confirmed that the Collectors were abducting colonies. They were using seeker swarms to incapacitate the colonies first. I bet you got a taste of that on Horizon. _

_About Horizon…_

_I don't know what to say. Can we just leave it in the past? I stand by everything I said, but I can understand why you were so angry. _

_I want to pick up where we left off, if that's alright with you. If it's even possible. The Reapers are real—you saw the husks on Horizon, didn't you? We might be facing the end of our existence as a species. I want all the time I can get for something good. If it's even possible. I hope so._

_ -Jane_

Kaidan read that last line over again. _If it's even possible._ What was that supposed to mean? Some part of him was pretty sure he knew, but he didn't want to consider it.

The message brought things to his mind that he wanted nothing to do but shut out. He'd noticed the kind of people Shepard had recruited on Horizon. A krogan and a woman with more ink than a Gutenberg Bible—obviously some sort of psycho. Subsequent research had identified her as Jack, a violent biotic with a long history of murder, sabotage, and vandalism, among other things. These were the kind of people who'd allied themselves with Shepard—psychopaths and murderers. And he'd turned his back on her.

Something else came to mind, and Kaidan searched for a "Lawson" and a "Taylor" in the Alliance database. Miranda Lawson was a high-ranking Cerberus officer and a powerful biotic. She looked very familiar and Kaidan realized he'd seen her at the Dark Star.

Jacob Taylor was an operative, marked as deceased. He had also been a biotic, and a former Alliance soldier. Kaidan looked at his service picture. The man was obviously handsome. Had Shepard turned to him for comfort?

Looking at his service record, he saw that Taylor would've been a viable candidate for Shepard's affection. Jealousy rose up inside him and Kaidan had to remind himself that Taylor was dead.

Shaking his head, Kaidan closed the search and turned back to the message. Tali had joined forces with her, too. The krogan—it was more than likely that Wrex had a hand in getting him on the team. And he knew that Garrus had come back on the grid shortly after Shepard's return…

That made him the only person who had left Shepard out in the cold. There was so much he could've done to help her, too. Kaidan cursed himself. Idiot.

Hands shaking, he typed up a reply.

_Shepard,_

_Thanks for telling me this. I already knew, but it feels a lot more credible coming from you. I shouldn't have doubted you. _

_I feel horrible—basically everyone from the old days jumped in to help you, but I just shut you out like you were something I wanted to leave in the past. I don't. I want to continue what we had before. _

_Can we discuss this in person? If you can, I'd like to meet up at the Dark Star again. Let me know._

_ -Kaidan_

Kaidan looked his message over, satisfied that it conveyed his feelings properly, and hit SEND.

**A/N: Sorry about the holdup! This week was a bitch to get through. But now with the midterm out of the way, I can concentrate more or less on this lovely story. Angsty goodness, yay…I'm going to have to determine where this story is going. Angst is so fun to write, though. Hooray.**

**ITestedGarrussReach, I'm working on your Sherrus fic. :D To everyone reading, I hope this satisfied your reading desires, as usual. R&R please.**

**Til next time… **


	6. Reaper? I Hardly Even Know Her

A Broken Frame, Chapter 6

The Citadel never slept.

The constant hustle and bustle of Zakera Ward reminded Shepard of New York City, and she smiled inwardly when she remembered Captain Bailey had said something similar.

Shepard was alone today. She'd given the crew another chance at shore leave as her excuse to come to the Citadel. Much of the crew had taken up on the offer and she caught glimpses of them as she walked briskly towards the Dark Star lounge.

There was no armor today. Shepard was dressed in a casual blue gown that touched the floor, intentionally devoid of any Cerberus insignia. Samara had picked it out for her an eternity ago, and wearing it was Shepard's silent vigil for a lost friend. It was light and..."floaty," compared to the armor and uniforms she usually wore. The dress was sleeveless, accentuating her smoothly muscled arms. She enjoyed the gentle artificial breeze that softly tousled her hair as she walked.

The dimly lit club was empty, save for the bartender and the Presidium groundkeeper who never seemed to leave. Shepard looked around and verified what she already knew. No Kaidan.

She shrugged. All the more time for her to think. She bought an elasa from the bartender and chose a table in a corner, deciding that privacy would do much better for this meeting. She put the datapad that she'd been carrying on the table and examined its contents.

Much of it was evidence she'd prepared for the Council, but she wanted to show some of it to Kaidan as well. Maybe it would help ease the conversation along. There was a schematic for a Reaper that Joker had given to her, as well as salvaged information from the Collector base. The Illusive Man had been quick in sending ships to investigate his new prize, and equally prompt in sending Shepard updates on what had been found there. Frankly, she was waiting for some poor fool to set off some age-old tripwire to release some sort on shit storm on the team there. The stupid Cerberus assholes deserved it.

Shepard picked up her glass and was about to empty it into her mouth when she thought better it and settled for a sip. She grimaced at the biting taste of the asari drink and turned off the datapad. She would worry about Reapers later.

The doors slid open and she looked up hopefully, expecting to see the rugged face of that perfect Alliance sentinel, but it was only a pair of krogan. Shepard slowly sank back into her seat, and the first specters of doubt were starting to tug at her heart. What if he'd forgotten? What if he thought this was a waste of time? What if he didn't care? What if, what if—

Shepard put her head in her hands. God, she must sound like a teenager on a first date. Before she could help it, an image of Kaidan dancing with another woman flooded her mind. Her pale hands flared with the blue of biotics and she had to fight to get it under control.

_Do _not _go there._

Jane bit her lip and fixed her gaze on the door, as if she could make Kaidan materialize there. Her drink sat forgotten next to her arm, a pool of condensed water collecting at the base of the glass. _Come on, Kaidan. Don't leave me hanging._

**Kaidan POV**

Kaidan walked towards the door of the Dark Star and reached out to open the door when he suddenly hesitated, his hand hovering over the blinking green interface. _Is this a mistake?_

Before he could stop it, an image of Shepard dancing with Jacob Taylor came to his mind. He snatched his hand away from the door as his hand flared an angry blue, reflecting his angry jealousy. Dammit, why was he thinking of this? She'd made it clear that she wanted him back, right? Besides, Taylor was dead. What was the problem?

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Kaidan leaned up against the wall and took a deep breath, trying to get his thoughts in order. Doubts began to take root in his mind, growing like weeds in his consciousness. What if she wasn't there? What if she'd forgotten? What if she didn't care? What if she was…what if she'd decided to cry on Joker's shoulder? On Garrus's shoulder? What if, God forbid, she decided to turn to Wrex?

God. This train of thought was getting ridiculous. Kaidan took a deep breath to calm himself. _It's going to be okay. Just go in there and talk. That's all._

Steeling himself, Kaidan took two steps towards the door and pressed his hand to the green interface.

**Shepard POV**

Jane looked up as the door slid open again, hope rising in her chest. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw the man in the door.

He hadn't forgotten. Kaidan was standing on the threshold, his brown eyes searching the place for one person. His gaze fell on her and—it might have been her ego—but he seemed to melt. He stared at her, biting his lip and blinking hard as if he were trying to decide if what he was seeing was real.

Finally, he decided that he wasn't hallucinating and made his way towards her. It was obvious that he was keeping himself under control, that he wanted nothing more than to run to her and take her in his arms. It seemed to take an eternity for him to reach her table and sit down.

There was a long, awkward silence as they studied each other. Shepard felt his eyes sear into her eyebrow, recognizing the absence of the scar that he'd once used to identify her as his lover. Her blue eyes bored into him, daring him to speak.

"Hey," he said at last.

"Hey," she said back. Her voice was almost a whisper.

"So, uh…how have you been?"

"I've been better."

There was another silence. Kaidan's eyes were mapping every part of her face, as if trying to commit it to memory. He tilted his face slightly to one side.

"What?" Shepard raised an eyebrow at him. "Liking what you see?"

He had to laugh. "Yeah," he said. "Hey…what's this?"

Shepard's heart skipped a beat when he reached out and traced the glowing scars the cybernetics had left on her face. It was all she could do not to pull away.

"Cybernetics," he murmured to himself.

"What are you thinking?" she asked testily.

Kaidan smiled. "They did a good job," he remarked.

"Is that a compliment for me, or for Cerberus?"

"Touché."

His eyes moved to her glass. "What do you have there?"

"Elasa. It's not bad, want to try some?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

Kaidan raised the glass to his lips and met her eyes. "What?"

Jane suddenly realized that she'd been looking at him with a funny smile on her face. "Nothing," she said innocently.

Keeping his eyes trained on her, Kaidan took a cautious sip. "Not bad."

She gave him a small smile, her eyes inquisitive. "What do you think happens now?" Never breaking eye contact, she carefully laced her fingers in his.

"I don't know," murmured Kaidan, distracted by her touch.

"Well, there aren't any books written on this sort of situation. Figure something out."

"Like what?" He returned the gentle pressure she was putting on his hand. "A 'private' tour of the new Normandy?"

Jane frowned. "I never thought of that. Good idea."

Kaidan laughed. "Ha. Maybe some other time."

"Come on, Kaidan," she whined. "You know what they say, right? _Carpe noctem_. Seize the night."

"Riight." The Sentinel did his best to look annoyed. His eyes fell on the datapad on the table. "What's that?"

"Evidence from the Collector base," Jane said. "It confirms the existence of the Reapers, and the reason of the colony attacks. Here, take a look."

Kaidan scrolled through its contents, his frown deepening as he took in the information. "Interesting…"

And then something changed in his eyes. Curiosity turned into anger, and he looked up at her. "You left the Collector base intact for Cerberus to salvage?"

_Oh, shit._"Yes," she said. "But I didn't do it for Cerberus."

"Do you expect me to believe that?" He pulled his hand away from her, aghast.

Suddenly she was angry, angry that her word was somehow not good enough for him, angry that Cerberus was screwing her over yet again in a way she hadn't thought of. "What the hell do you think I am, a human supremist?"

"You gave Cerberus a piece of Reaper technology to call their own, as well as the schematics for a Reaper. You gave them the means to wipe out the entire galaxy. And what—what was your justification for this? Are you insane? Don't answer that."

Jane stared at him, her eyes indignant and full of hurt. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I wanted them to have proper burials," she said quietly. "Samara and Jack and Jacob and—"

"Right, I forgot," Kaidan said sarcastically. "Still can't let go of Jacob, can you?"

"Kaidan, I—" She broke off. "How did you find out about—"

He got up and thrust the datapad back at her. "I put two and two together, and I got four. This was a mistake." With that, he walked away.

"Kaidan, wait!" she cried, but he was gone. She made a frustrated sound and went after him, the drink forgotten on the table.

**Kaidan POV**

Kaidan stormed out of the bar, fuming. He headed toward the rapid transit, letting the red haze clear away from his head, and then a rational thought formed in his mind.

What the _hell_ was that?

Why did he blow up at her like that? She didn't deserve that—she was—God.

He wanted to go back, to apologize. But even now, his pride wouldn't let him do that. He cursed himself for his tactlessness.

He heard footsteps behind him and looked around just as Shepard grabbed his wrist.

"Kaidan!" she snapped. "Wait!"

He stopped in his tracks and looked at her. Jane looked like she'd been slapped in the face.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," he mumbled. _Idiot_, he cursed himself.

"No," she said, her voice resounding with defeat. "I understand."

"Look, I—" Kaidan searched her face desperately for answers. He only found one. "I didn't mean to—I just thought of Cerberus, and what they did on Edolus…and the thresher maw…" He broke off. "And then I thought of…of Jacob."

"I'm sorry," she said miserably. "I didn't do it to hurt you."

"It's just that…it's been two years, and you were dead, and now you're back, and everything is so damn confusing, and—and we've all changed, and I want to—I want you back, but—but—"

Kaidan realized he was talking nonsense. "I just…"

Shepard smiled. "Shut up," she muttered.

And then she kissed him in the middle of Zakera Ward.

**A/N: This chapter was a bitch to write. But I had two things in mind, one that Shepard and Kaidan were going to kiss, and two, that there was going to be krogan involved. Heh. **

**So…what happens next? That's for me to know, and you to find out. Don't worry, I won't keep you waiting for long. **

**I'm going to put this out there right now. 1) The Reapers are not gonna reap in this story. That's just to…ugh. I dunno. 2) The ending is absolutely not going to be some cheesy marriage and baby crap. No, Shepard isn't going to get pregnant. 3) No, Joker is not going to install a surveillance camera in Shepard's quarters. And no, Jacob is not going to come back to life.**

**As always, I hope this satisfies your reading desires! Review, please. The thresher maw is hungry. Rawr…**


	7. Ex Post Facto

A Broken Frame, Chapter 7

Shepard was eventually awakened by the heat emanating off of a warm body, and it wasn't hers.

She slowly turned her head. He was still there, his eyes closed in peaceful slumber. One hand was resting on her waist, and the other was tangled in her disheveled brown hair. She smiled affectionately at his form and lay a hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat and the gentle rise and fall of his breath.

As her mind slowly dragged itself back into the waking world, Jane let her eyes rove around the room. It was no worse for wear, but their clothes lay in a discarded heap on the floor. She wondered if she should do anything about that, decided against it, and settled for watching Kaidan sleep.

The conversation they'd shared over a bottle of wine had quickly turned to Kaidan sweeping her off her feet and throwing her on the bed, eagerly undressing her even as she pulled his clothes over his head. As she thought about it now, Shepard found that she had missed Kaidan's touch more than she knew.

She felt a strange sense of peace as she lay there, naked with the bedsheets tangled around her waist. It was as if everything in her life was coming together, instead of falling apart.

Shepard shifted her weight and Kaidan stirred, the sheets slipping off his body. He groaned and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in and pressing his lips to her neck. She laughed and twisted around to see his face.

"Time to wake up, Kaidan," she teased. His only response was to growl into her neck and wrap his leg around hers, muttering something incoherent. Laughing, she pushed him away. Only then did he open his eyes and smile at her.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hey."

Kaidan looked down at himself, then at Shepard. "Whoa," he said. "How did we end up naked?"

"I think the question is how we couldn't have ended up naked."

Kaidan sighed and fixed his eyes on the ceiling. "I suppose."

She propped herself up on one elbow to look him in the face. "What's nagging at you?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. It feels different, doing this after two years of you being dead."

"Why, have I gotten a little rusty? It has been a while," Shepard teased.

"I'm being serious." He gave her an uncertain look.

"What do you want me to say?"

He sat up and stared at his hands, splayed on the covers in front of him. "God…you were dead!" There was anguish in his voice. "I don't—I can't—I can't ignore that! And now you're—god dammit…" His voice faltered. "I don't want to lose you again."

She wrapped her arms around him and rested her face on his back. "I'm not going anywhere," she said softly.

"I know," he murmured. "But when the Reapers come…you're going to throw yourself into the fray. I want you to promise me that you're always coming back. No matter what."

"Oh, I don't know," Shepard said teasingly. She pulled him down on his back and climbed on top of him. "That's pretty steep. I'm going to need something great to come back to."

Mischief glinted in Kaidan's eyes as he rolled over, pressing her into the mattress. "I'm open to suggestions," he muttered with his lips against her throat.

"Let's start with…this."

**A/N: This chapter is intentionally short and devoid of smut. After a long consideration, I decided to leave THAT part open to the imagination. I've read those masskink prompts. I know what your dirty minds are capable of. :P**

**On another note, I modeled this pillow talk after the Shepard/Liara conversation in LotSB. It still makes sense, even in an **_**ex post facto**_** scenario. (I hope I used that correctly.)**

**This story is going to wrap up soon. I'm not going to invent some mission for this story, although I might for future stories. thatgirlwiththe's **_**Fight for the Lost **_**is a nice model. Kudos to the author of the story.**

**To compensate for this short chapter, I'm going to…hmmm. I don't know. How does a nice romantic date on the Citadel sound? Or a little furlough in New York City, the place of Shepard's childhood? Decisions, decisions…heh. You'll find out soon.**


	8. Don't Waste This

A Broken Frame, Chapter 8

Too soon, Kaidan had to return to the Citadel.

They stood in the airlock for the longest time, holding each other close like nothing else mattered. Shepard forced herself to bite back the tears that stung at her eyes as she waved goodbye to Kaidan.

"Say hi to Anderson for me," she said softly as he turned to leave.

"I will," he promised. He took her hand and kissed it briefly. "I'll see you soon, Shepard?"

Jane smiled. Always with the formalities. "You can count on it."

He smirked. "I was getting worried there. Take care, Jane."

And then he left, leaving her standing alone in the airlock feeling like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her blue eyes were fixed on his retreating back until she couldn't see it anymore.

"Come back soon, Kaidan."

* * *

"Tali?"

The quarian jumped and turned around, surprised. "Shepard! I didn't expect to see—I mean—what can I do for you?"

Shepard smiled. Tali was like a little sister to her. Or a best friend. She shrugged."Just wanted to check in again."

"You had me worried there," Tali joked. "You've been out of sight for…what, four hours?"

Shepard froze. She could feel her face slowly turning red as she processed this information. "Four…_hours?_"

Tali nodded eagerly. "Maybe longer, I don't know. Donnelly was timing you."

Jane sighed and shook her head. Figures.

"Might I ask what you might have—"

"No, you can't."

Even behind the mask she could see Tali smirking. "Understood, Commander."

Shepard chuckled and affectionately surveyed her friend, and frowned when she noticed that there was something…off about Tali. She looked a little unkempt, like she hadn't slept for a while, and she was bouncing a little like she was tremendously excited, or bursting with news, or both.

"Is everything all right down here, Tali?"

"No," she said quickly. "Um, I mean—yes, everything's…um…_fruity_."

"Don't you mean _peachy_?"

Tali nodded sheepishly. "Yeah. Everything's peachy down here, Commander."

Jane scrutinized the quarian. "You aren't the only one who's good at reading signs," she said. "Something on your mind?"

"Um." Tali struggled to find a way out of this one. There was no escape from having this conversation, it seemed. Could she lie? Unlikely. She was a bad liar. Change the subject? No chance.

Bosh'tet, she thought. "Well, I got a message from Kal, and he said that he was on a recon mission in geth space. High-risk. He, ah…he asked if he could meet up with me before he left."

"I see where this is going," Shepard said shrewdly. "We can divert to the Migrant Fleet."

"Actually, I—"

"Joker! Plot a course for the Vallahalan Threshold."

"Aye, Commander." The helmsman's voice warbled through the intercom.

She looked back at Tali, grinning. "Too late."

"Well…" She rubbed her visor. "Thanks."

Shepard clapped Tali on the shoulder. "Don't waste this, Tali. Kal's a good guy."

She left, leaving behind a chortling Donnelly and a very bewildered quarian to the hum of the drive core.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! I'm going to post maybe two more chapters and then I'm going to wrap this up. I've got an entire list of fanfictions to answer for. Meh. . I hope this satisfies your reading desires, and as always, please review.**

**This story is on hiatus. I'm sorry! :( I just hit a wall. I don't know where to go from here. Well, I kind of do. Not really. Writer's block. :( **

**I'm trying. Don't judge me. :X**


	9. The Saltwater Room

A Broken Frame, Chapter 9

**Kaidan POV**

"Well, somebody's happy today."

Kaidan cast a sidelong glance at the owner of the voice, one Shane Walsh. He was watching Kaidan with a bemused smile on his face, waiting for him to respond.

"What do you mean?"

Walsh rolled his eyes. "What are you, a senile hanar? You've been dragging your feet and hanging your head everywhere you go. I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd seen razor cuts on your wrists. But now…you've got a spring in your step, you're drinking something that isn't whiskey for once, and you finished your sandwich. What's the story, Alenko?"

Kaidan shrugged. "No story."

"Really?" Walsh raised an eyebrow. "Because a little birdy told me that you spent the entire afternoon on one SR-2 Normandy. Well, we all know what's on that ship…"

Kaidan could feel the flush creeping up his cheeks. Evidently, it was visible, because Walsh's face lit up.

"You banged her, didn't you?"

"Who?" he asked innocently.

"Shepard!" cackled Walsh. "Oh, come on. I don't care if it's not official. Everyone knows that she's alive now."

"Since when?"

"You suck at lying, Alenko. Admit it. You've been getting friendly with your CO again."

Kaidan narrowed his eyes. "Number one, she's not my CO anymore, and number two, it's none of your damn business!"

"You're right, it's not. Still fun, though."

Walsh left the bar, chuckling. Kaidan watched him go exasperatedly, thinking that Walsh's accuracy was a welcome change in his life.

* * *

**Tali POV**

Keelah, she felt like a teenager all over again.

Tali was standing behind Joker's chair, gazing at the indecipherable navigation algorithms and trying to contain her excitement. In a subconscious part of her mind she knew that Shepard was undoubtedly watching her, amused. But she didn't care.

"Tali, you're _bouncing_. That excited, are you?"

"What?" She felt a hot flush creeping up her face. "Ah…not really, it's just nice to be back…home."

Joker snorted. "Could've fooled me."

Tali stuck out her tongue at him. "Whatever, Joker."

She could almost see him roll his eyes. "I'm just saying, quarians aren't that hard to read."

"Yeah, well you're even more transparent than—"

"Okay, guys…" Shepard chuckled. "How close are we, Joker?"

"Ummm…" He checked the controls. "ETA in five minutes. You'd better give the captain a heads-up again, Tali."

She nodded and waited for Joker to activate the intercom. "This is Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya requesting permission to dock with the Rayya."

"Granted, Tali'Zorah. Our ships have you flagged as Cerberus. Verify…"

Tali smiled inwardly. She was home. Home and in love.

Ah, the joys of life.

* * *

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Kal'Reegar waiting for her at the docking hangar, sitting in the docking hangar with some of his squadmates. He sprang up when he saw her, seemingly radiating with anticipation. There was an awkward pause.

"Hug," Tali said cheerfully, taking him into her arms. He uncertainly returned the gesture, putting more warmth into the embrace than acceptable for two friends.

They pulled away. Tali was painfully aware of Shepard's amused gaze, and fought hard to avoid her eyes. She eyeballed Kal through the mask.

"How have you been, Kal?"

He shrugged. "Don't suppose I'm worse for wear. Dunno if that'll change later. The admirals booted me and my squad back into geth space." He chuckled. "Hope it wasn't about what I said at your trial."

She laughed, too. "I hope not," she agreed. Casting a glance back at Shepard, she took his arm. "Let's walk."

They went past the plaza, through a door to the observation deck. There, they quietly gazed out the vast window at the soft velvet of the seemingly neverending space before them.

"I'm surprised we haven't ever run into a star yet," he commented.

She gave him a bemused look. "Run into a star?"

"Well, yeah. Think about it. If there are stars all over the place, why haven't we run one over yet? They can't all be in dark space. We haven't run into any suns yet, but…heh. That's different."

"How so?" she teased.

"Well…" Apparently he could see her grin through the mask, because he playfully pushed her."I don't know. I'm just a soldier."

"Don't _push_ me," she snapped, laughing. She shoved him lightly to the side and he shoved back, and somehow they ended up chest to chest, her back against the wall, Kal's hands on either side of her head.

A long silence followed as they looked into each other's eyes, mystified by their closeness. They didn't dare move. Uncertainly, and almost involuntarily, her hands crept up and settled on his waist.

Her heart was pounding. She wanted desperately to take off the helmet and kiss him—_relax, Tali! _Why were they so close, why was she touching him, why—

Kal leaned forward and bumped his helmet affectionately to hers. The gesture, though small, took Tali's breath away. She could've stayed there forever, looking into his eyes, but—

"Hey, Reegar, we've got to—oh."

They hastily broke apart, looking around for the source of their interruption. A grunt was standing in the doorway, looking thoroughly embarrassed. "Erm…whenever you're ready, Commander."

He saluted and left them alone. Kal took her hand and they went back out into the plaza.

The rest of Kal's squad was waiting for him. Some of them were whispering among themselves, about Tali, no doubt. He turned to face her.

"Take care of yourself, Tali," he said at last. "I…" He broke off, but she understood.

She nodded. "Goodbye, Reegar."

She watched him go, feeling a pang of longing as he left with his squad. But she wasn't worried.

He would come back. She just knew it.

* * *

The shuttle ride back had been an uneventful one. Joker had given her a curious look, and Shepard eyeballed her the whole way back to the Normandy, but she didn't care.

Tali was ecstatic.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the late update! The plotbunnies returned after reading **_**A Thousand Splendid Suns**_**. I wonder if it's a coincidence. Anyways, this story is definitely coming to a close soon but I'll make it worth your while. I'm on winter break (woohoo) so the updates will be coming, knock on wood. **

**Thanks to everyone who's been reading! It makes me feel all warm inside whenever one of you lovely readers favorites or story alerts this Fanfiction. Thanks especially to ITestedGarrussReach for the reviews and the love. (Oh, by the way, I tested Garrus's reach, too. Last night. :D It was cute, but not cute enough.)**

**Oooh! By the way, Walsh is my little tribute to The Walking Dead. **

**Happy holidays, everyone! :)**


	10. The Rose

A Broken Frame, Chapter 10

**Miranda POV**

It was quiet in the docking hangar, save for the hum of the engine and the quiet whir of propellers. The Kodiak sat idle in its little corner. Starlight seeped in through a slit in the reinforced metal wall.

Miranda was kneeling in front of Jacob Taylor's casket, her expression unreadable. Her piercing blue eyes were fixed on the Cerberus insignia emblazoned in the upper right-hand corner, but in her mind she saw nothing.

Clutched in her hand was a single rose, identical to the one he'd given her at the Lazarus Station, an eternity ago.

She refused to admit that she was still grieving the loss of her former lover. What they'd had was a beneficial relationship that ended on a mutual note when it became less so. She refused to admit that she'd let him go because she didn't care for the commitment that came with "the next step."

Miranda thought of what she'd told Shepard. _"He helped me become a better person, I think."_

A part of her mind, likely the more emotional part, kicked herself. _Goddamn pride_, it chided. _Admit it—Jacob Taylor was a good thing. And you let it go._

Shepard was lucky, she thought. She could distract herself with moments and memories of Kaidan Alenko, sink into happiness once more. Miranda wasn't so lucky. The reconstruction of Shepard had prevented her from pining for Jacob, and so had the suicide mission, but now, with nothing else to do but sit idle and send reports to the Illusive Man…loneliness made her cry out inside. God, she missed him, just like she missed Niket, just like she regretted putting a bullet in his stomach—

_No._

She refused to venture that path in her memory again. What had happened on Illium had been entirely Niket's fault. He had fucked with her. With Cerberus. With Shepard. He'd had it coming.

Rationality and survival kicked in at that point, and Miranda rose to her feet, dropping the flower on Jacob's casket. She would grieve no more, she promised herself. Jacob was dead, and so was Niket.

And though she probably had the means, she wasn't going to bring either of them back.

**Kal'Reegar POV**

At least this ass-end skeleton of a colony wasn't as hot as Haestrom, Reegar mused dryly.

It was small comfort on a barren planet choking with geth riding his ass as he dove for cover, nearly knocking over Vala'Xen vas Eline, who was reloading. Vala sent a combat drone over the rock and was rewarded by the satisfying sound of metal crumpling under repeated shocks. He clapped her on the back and rose, running for a reinforced crate on the north end of the battlefield. I can outflank them from there, he thought to himself.

It was only after he'd made it to cover that Kal'Reegar realized he was bleeding.

Thick, crimson liquid spilled out from his abdomen, not in deadly amounts but enough to make his sides throb and sear with pain. It took all his willpower not to cry out as he stabbed medi-gel into the wound, cursing quietly.

"Bosh'tet," he muttered. He fired four shots in the air—the distress signal—and leaned back against the box, breathing hard. He hoped this getting shot routine wasn't going to become a habit.

He coughed, and a fine mist of blood peppered his mask. _Shit_, he thought. He was _not_ going to die here. No way in hell was he going to die here. He had to survive, for the Fleet, for his squad…for…for Tali.

Tali lingered on his mind as he slipped into oblivion, feeling the strong hands of two quarian medics pick him up and run him back to the shuttle.

* * *

Pain. That was the only word to describe his present situation. Pain.

Reegar stifled a scream and craned his neck to look down.

They were back on the ship, in the med-bay. Someone was stitching up the bullet wound, someone else was carrying a small tin to a waste disposal, and suddenly Tali was standing over him, that soft smile visible through her mask. Kal blinked. Was this a dream? Probably.

She reached out and touched his face. Murmured something indecipherable.

Then a sweet, numb feeling engulfed him, and Reegar slipped back into unconsciousness.

**Shepard POV**

It was times like this that Shepard wished she had other things to occupy her time.

Her mind was drifting, inexorably, to her childhood on Earth.

Obviously, when the Reapers struck they'd be targeting the human homeworld. This was both illogical and unfair in Shepard's mind—humans had barely established themselves in galactic society, and besides, asari had been around for much longer. Not to mention they were a pain in the ass. Some of them, anyway.

She smirked when she thought of how Liara might respond to this logic, and considered bringing it up with her. The more reasonable part of her mind argued that pissing off the Shadow Broker was probably not a good idea, unless she wanted photos from her N7 days to be popping up on the extranet.

Her mind wandered to Finch and the Tenth Street Reds, and Shepard suddenly realized that Kaidan knew shamefully little about her past. He would have known that she'd grown up on Earth and of her presence on Akuze, but not much besides that.

"EDI?" she called out suddenly.

"Yes, Commander?"

"How long until this ship is in working condition again?"

"The Normandy will likely be fully functional within three days, Commander."

"Thank you, EDI."

"Logging you out, Commander."

Inspiration struck Shepard and she moved to her terminal, hastily typing out a message. It was time to show Kaidan Alenko her hometown.

* * *

**A/N: Somebody shot Kal'Reegar! Gasp. Will he live to see Tali again, or will he die in a sick bay, cold and alone? Only time, and the plotbunnies, will tell.**

**I've made good on my promise to send Shenko to earth. I sincerely hope I don't get sued by Dan Brown for the way I wrote my ending, because it copies his in almost every way. Well, except for the fact that Kaidan isn't a famous Harvard professor and Shepard isn't a sexy Swiss yoga-woman vegetarian researcher. Well, she's probably sexy. :p **

**One word. Bioshock. Question: Would you kindly? Answer: Frank Fontaine smells like ATLAS. Nuuuh. I'm going to have underwater city Rapture-Atlantis nightmares.**

**Thank you all for your patience! I do hope you enjoy this, because this is my sweat and blood you're reading right here. Well, maybe not the blood.**

**Until next time…**

**Without wax, **

** BeGodlyBeLynn**


	11. Girl Habits

A Broken Frame, Chapter 11

**Kal'Reegar POV**

When he woke up again, Reegar was alone.

The glass room was empty, save for the hospital bed on which he lay and the life support system he was hooked up to. There was a small table by the wall, accompanied by two chairs.

He blinked in confusion. How long had he been out?

Kal reached up to touch his face—or tried to. He looked down and realized that he was cuffed to the bed.

_What the hell…_

_Where am I?_

This was no Migrant Fleet ship. The clean rooms weren't this barren, and he didn't recognize the outside. Fighting back panic, he looked around, searching for any clue as to his whereabouts.

And then he saw something that made his blood run cold.

Kal struggled with his restraints, cursing under his breath. He knew it was useless—handcuffs weren't meant to be broken and he had no envirosuit. Even if he did manage to escape, he would die. Cursing his quarian immune system, he surveyed the room, looking for any tech that could be exploited—even a handgun would be better than nothing. But Cerberus left nothing to chance. He was empty-handed—figuratively and literally.

The only option, then, was to wait.

* * *

Kal'Reegar didn't have to wait long.

There was a quiet hiss as the doors slid open, followed by the hum of a decontamination system.

And then two figures stepped into the room.

"Commander Reegar…I see you're awake. Good. We have much to discuss."

**Kaidan POV**

"Shepard, I can understand if you're packing a pistol to go to New York, but is the complete arsenal really necessary? I mean…flashbang grenades? Assault rifles?"

She shot him a meaningful look. "You haven't seen New York like I have," she said darkly.

Kaidan frowned, suddenly concerned. "Are you sure you want to go back?"

She nodded. "I'm sure. It would be nice to see the lights instead of the slums, and…you should see New York, too. It's nice this time of year."

"Alright. But Shepard…"

"What?"

Kaidan scratched his chin, looking at her curiously.

"Spit it out, Kaidan."

"With you taking me to New York and Tali visiting her home on the Fleet…people tying up their loose ends…I'm getting the feeling we're all expecting this to end soon."

Shepard nodded sadly. "One way or another, it's going to end," she said. "Either the Reapers crush us or we send them back to dark space, but one way or another it's going to end. I don't expect we'll have more than a year until they come. And so…" She laced her fingers with his. "I'm going to show you a piece of my past, Commander."

He chuckled. "To think that I used to be the one calling you that," he remarked.

She touched her forehead to his. "Not for long," she teased. "I'll outrank you yet."

He closed his eyes. "We'll see about that…Commander."

She gave him a light peck on the lips. "Come on. We've got a city to see."

* * *

**A/N: Alright! The story is indeed coming to an end, but not the story arc—there's more. The follow-up to this story will tell what happens to Kal'Reegar. I'm working on it as we speak. Erm, read. **


	12. It's Never Over

A Broken Frame, Chapter 12

Shepard came out of the shower, wearing a bathrobe, and looked around. The room was empty. There was a note on the coffee table, something about running an errand, so she opened the doors and stepped out onto the balcony.

The lights of New York were glorious. She looked, awestruck, at the metropolitan sprawl before her, the sparkling world she'd longed to be part of as a child. It seemed so superficial now, but she was glad she'd come, to share something beautiful with Kaidan before throwing herself against the Reapers.

It was April, and the city was waking up from a long winter slumber. The faint smell of hot cross buns and flowers wafted up to meet her nose. A few skycars sped past her and she waved, wondering if anyone would recognize her.

The door opened behind her with a soft click. Shepard didn't bother turning around until Kaidan had wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder.

"It's beautiful," he murmured.

"Yeah."

She let her fingers glide along his arms, savoring his smooth, warm skin. She pointed a finger out, towards a darker region in the city.

"That's the Bronx," she said. "I grew up there. Well, mostly, anyway." She tilted her head to see him. "Wanna know what they called me?"

Kaidan raised his eyebrows. "I'm all ears," he said.

"Okay, but don't laugh."

"Done."

"They called me 'Nutella.'"

Kaidan broke his promise; he laughed. "'Nutella?'"

"Yeah, 'cause of my hair."

"You _are_ pretty delicious," he said jokingly, but not without affection.

"Awwwww. That makes me feel warm inside."

"Speaking of warm, I got food. Hope you like Cuban."

"I love Cuban. How did you know?"

He nuzzled her hair. "A little birdy told me."

She laughed. "Tali?"

"Maybe."

Shepard twisted in his arms, facing him. "What are we waiting for, then?"

**Kaidan POV**

In all technicalities, Jane Shepard wasn't very subtle.

Although subtlety probably hadn't been her intention.

It was only too evident that she wanted Kaidan to put down his fork, take her in her arms and carry her off to bed. As they ate, she pressed her bare legs against his under the table and gave him a sultry stare, making her intentions obvious in no uncertain terms. Kaidan, however, remained the resolute gentleman, not leaving the table until he was done with his meal.

Now he sat lounging on the bed, waiting for her to finish brushing her teeth. He was almost falling asleep when she entered the room, bringing the slight smell of mint. She slid onto the bed beside him and propped herself up on one elbow, watching him silently. A few minutes passed. Finally, he opened his eyes.

"That was fast," he murmured.

Her fingers traced circles on his chest. "What are you thinking right now?"

"Well…" He looked up, lost in her eyes, "I'm thinking about how beautiful New York is."

"Anything else?"

"That's…about it."

Her mouth dropped open and she grinned, rising up from her elbow. Her eyes were alight with mischief as she straddled him, her warm hands pinning him down beneath her.

"Are you sure?" she purred.

"Well, now that you mention it…" He reached up to stroke her arm. "There is something else."

Jane shed the robe and pressed her lips to his mouth. She smelled like soap and something deliciously floral.

"You can tell me later," she murmured against his lips. "We have all the time in the world."

* * *

_Somewhere in the Terminus_

"Do you know who I am?" The man was frightened, but that didn't stop him from being livid. "Who I work for?"

"Yeah, I do." The girl turned around. He couldn't see her face—_if only he could see her face_—

"Does the name Kal'Reegar mean anything to you?"

His blood turned to ice. She raised the gun to his head and he closed his eyes in horror.

"Wait!"

* * *

**A/N: And so ends this story. I do hope you enjoyed it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. **

**Thanks for bearing with me this whole way, people! It was a long, frustrating road, but here we are at the end. I modeled this ending after the one in **_**Angels and Demons**_**. Well, minus the part where Vittoria stabs a hot poker through some assassin's eyes. (SPOILER :O…don't kill me) The last part was meant to set the stage for the expansion on Kal'Reegar's fate. In all honesty, that story is going to be the polar opposite of this one, full of new missions, OCs, and fluffy romance. :D**

**Merry Christmas!**


End file.
